Almost Lost My Job Over This Flasher Costume!

I wore this to work, and almost lost my job over this costume. I’m a dialysis nurse, and while walking in from the parking lot at the hospital, a busload of seniors from the nursing home pulled up. And I must add that I was with my Chief Tech, a burly, hirsute man with a huge beer-belly dressed in pink as a ballerina, hairy belly exposed. They were gesturing and calling out for me to “flash” them. So I did. They loved it, hooting and laughing, clapping. But apparently someone was offended and reported me to the Director of Nurses. I ended up with a written reprimand for unprofessional conduct. And an hour later I won the Grand Prize in the hospital-wide costume contest!

I raided my dad’s closet: hat, London Fog raincoat, dress shirt, boxers, necktie, socks, wingtip shoes, and cut the legs off a pair of his old suit pants. These were attached below my knees with elastic, and with the raincoat buttoned, I looked like an almost-normal businessman. The best part were the “appendages”: nylon knee-hi stockings stuffed with cotton balls. Took me a long time to get the proportions correct, as I was LOLing, all by myself. With very little movement on my part (sort of a hula-hoop type movement) and quite a bit of practice, I was able to get them to flop around quite disturbingly. At one point I added pubic hair at the fly opening, but it was actually TOO realistic-looking, and I had to edit. Made the appendages more humorous than realistic. And for modesty, I wore flesh-colored opaque pantyhose under it all, as those boxers were kind of flimsy.

The Groucho glasses, nose, and mustache were added to assure anonymity.

I did NOT work all that much that day, was kept quite busy flashing people. Word spread around the hospital, and there was a constant stream of people coming to the dialysis suite to check out The Flasher.

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